I’m so tired I…
It’s no secret – us mums are tired.
Hell many of us haven’t slept longer than 4 hours for months – even years – on end.
We are living in a sleepless haze of baby brain…
A condition that let me tell you does not cease once you have your baby.
It begins in early pregnancy – and ends around the time you shift them off to school.
And be warned – the effects of such a condition are many and varied.
My poor partner Ben…
So often I hear him talking to me – I see him talking to me – In fact, we are having what would appear to any outsider as a conversation…
And yet I find myself staring at him blankly, sometimes for minutes on end, before realising I have no bloody idea what he has just said.
And there we are – him looking to me in anticipation of some kind of response…
And I’m just standing there like a computer when you open up too many pages and everything turns to sh*t.
No I don’t know what day it is.
No I don’t know which of my identical twins I just fed.
No I probably couldn’t spell my name right now.
But I am here..
and I am functioning…
The other day I found myself in the shower with my underwear on.
I was legit standing there, enjoying the first shower I had had in three days, when I looked down and thought to myself…
Well what the sh*t happened here.
Convinced I was surely not the only one experiencing such strange occurrences as a result of sleep deprivation, I took to the ‘Australian Mothers of Multiples Facebook page in a quest to prove to myself that sh*t could be weirder… the responses I got are proof of this.
And so began the “I’m so tired I…” conversation.
I’m so tired I…
… I’m so tired I woke up on the lounge one night breastfeeding one of my babies.
I had no idea how I got there or indeed how long I had been there.
… I’m so tired I used dog shampoo on the kids instead of baby shampoo.
… I’m so tired I fed that same twin twice then spent half an hour at 4am trying to work out why the other was so upset.
… I’m so tired I washed my hair with face wash.
… I’m so tired I pumped without attaching the bottles.
… I’m so tired I paid for my shopping and walked away leaving it there at the self-service checkout.
… I’m so tired I picked up the kids from day-care and left one behind. My husband went back and picked him up.
… I’m so tired I was so incoherent trying to order a Chai that the poor guy had no idea what I was saying.
… I’m so tired I poured milk in with dog biscuits and went to eat it.
… I’m so tired I took the garbage bag to work for my lunch and put my lunch bag in the garbage.
… I’m so tired I tried to drive out of the garage with the door down.
… I’m so tired I had a tea bag in one hand, a red snake in the other. I put the kettle on and put the tea bag in my mouth. It was a few good chews before I registered I got it mixed up.
… I’m so tired I was making hubby a coffee and myself a water. I poured boiling water in my glass and *almost* drank it. It got to my mouth and my brain went “this cup feels hot”.
… I’m so tired I made a coffee – well what I thought was coffee. I was actually scooping formula into my cup.
… I’m so tired I put a block of cheese in the freezer then blamed my husband for eating it all. I made him go to the shops and buy more only to discover it in the freezer later that night.
… I’m so tired I gave the dog a baby snack and one of my twins a dog snack.
… I’m so tired I went to the supermarket specifically for muesli. When I returned home we already 3 packets.
… I’m so tired I, on two separate occasions, was found by my husband sleep pumping in our bed.
… I’m so tired I put my cup of tea into the fridge and sat down for a break with the bottle of milk.
… I’m so tired I put the milk in the dishwasher.
… I’m so tired I got in the shower with my glasses on and wondered why I couldn’t see properly.
… I’m so tired I opened a packet mix and poured the contents into the bin and put the packet in the saucepan.
… I’m so tired I fell asleep at roadwork traffic lights and woke up to honking of horns!
… I’m so tired I left my car door open with car keys inside for an hour whilst shopping.
… I’m so tired I answered the door to the post man in my bra and undies, it has now happened 3 times and unfortunately they were not the ‘cute type’ of underwear – more like saggy undies and a nursing bra!
… I’m so tired I put my keys in the dishwasher.
… I’m so tired I cracked eggs into the compost bin instead of mixing bowl.
… I’m so tired I answered the door to a delivery driver with a boob hanging out of my bra.
… I’m so tired I fell asleep in the dentist chair.
… I’m so tired I got out of the shower, dressed myself and left the house with hair conditioner still in.
… I’m so tired I didn’t hear the baby right next to me crying because I thought I was feeding her and it was the other baby waiting her turn …… I was mighty shocked when my husband came in, woke me and said “aren’t you going to feed her?!”
… I’m so tired I dressed my son without putting his nappy on and couldn’t work out how the nappy could have disfunction so terribly when he poosploded over himself at a shopping centre – until I went to change him!
… I’m so tired I remember waking up at night (bolt upright in bed) and racking my brain for a good 5 minutes (on more than one occasion) trying to remember if I had fed both babies or fallen asleep after the first one.
… I’m so tired I put a dirty nappy in the washing machine on several occasions instead of the bin. If anyone has ever done this you will know that you get small beads of jelly on all the clothes that take a few more washes to get rid of.
… I’m so tired I, when asked what account I wanted to pay on, told the lady my pin code instead.
… I’m so tired I bought a much needed coffee and drove off with it on the roof – I only realised when I saw it flying off in my rear vision mirror.
… I’m so tired I put the toaster in the fridge.
… I’m so tired I put the kids socks in the dishwasher!
… I’m so tired I went shopping with my bra strap unattached and wondered why my boobs felt so free.
… I’m so tired I used permanent marker instead of eyeliner. Realised after and had to do both.
… I’m so tired I emptied the dirty clothes out of the washing machine before I had put it on and put it in the dryer even though it was still dirty and not wet.
… I’m so tired I poured the hot water from the kettle straight into the coffee jar rather than my cup.
… I’m so tired I made a jug of formula and tipped it straight down the sink
… I’m so tired I put my laundry into the rubbish bin instead of the laundry basket
… I’m so tired I ran around the house telling my friend I was going to be late because I couldn’t find my phone only to realise I was talking to her on it!
… I’m so tired I got my kids mixed up and took two days to realise.
… I’m so tired I poured coffee pods into the kid’s cereal bowls instead of cereal
… I’m so tired I once made a hot gravy drink instead of a hot milo because the tins were both small and green.
… I’m so tired I got all 5 kids in the car to go to the dog park, got down there and had forgotten the dog!
… I’ m so tired I tried to start the car with the house key and couldn’t understand why it didn’t work.
… I’m so tired I used Curash cream instead of sun cream and wondered why it wouldn’t rub in or come off.
… I’m so tired I put a packet of rice into the washing machine.
… I’m so tired I sprayed hairspray in my arm pit thinking it was deodorant… that stuff is sticky!
… I’m so tired I still try and ‘beep beep’ the house door open with my car keys. All. The. Time
… I’m so tired I, after showering me and the babies and drying and dressing the twins on the bed – turned around and put on my dressing gown and turned back around to see only one baby. I scooped up the baby and walked into lounge and started feeding when I thought to myself… wait a minute … I thought I had two of these? I looked around and for the life of me in that moment couldn’t remember if I had dreamt having twins or I really had another one somewhere? I went back to the bedroom, no baby on the bed, one bassinet (as they shared it) and thought to my self … odd I still think I had two. I then heard a little murmur and looked on the side of the bed to find the little bundle of joy was nestled there. He had rolled or been kicked off by his twin.
… I’m so tired I hallucinated a hand coming out of the ground! It was a little shrub stump!!
… I’m so tired I had bottle of breastmilk in one hand and coffee in other… guess which one I took a desperate swig from?!?
… I’m so tired my husband found me asleep on the twin’s bedroom floor and both babies crying in their cot, I had gone in earlier to settle them.
… I’m so tired I looked at the baby monitor and the twins weren’t on there, I went into their room and sure enough they were in their cot together, just where I left them. I went back to bed and laid down, looked over to the monitor and they were gone again. Went up to their room again and they were still asleep in their cot. Came back to bed and laid down, looked over at the monitor and they were gone again. I don’t know how many times it took me to realize the monitor screen had frozen on the cot before I put them to bed!
… I’m so tired I fell asleep sitting on the couch holding a fresh cup of tea that ended up all over me.
… I’m so tired two days after bringing my boys home from hospital my neighbor asked their names. I told her one and then stood there blankly for 5 minutes trying to remember the other one and couldn’t.
… I’m so tired I turned the windscreen wipers on after shopping and when I came home I couldn’t remember how to turn them off again. I seriously sat there for over 10 mins trying to remember and even then couldn’t! I gave up, left them on and turned the car off.
… I’m so tired I put my baby in the car and left my pram in the middle of a footpath in town then drove off to get a coffee.
Response from another mum: I didn’t notice that my pram was missing for 3 weeks!
Response from another mum: That’s because we only leave the house when we absolutely have too!
… I’m so tired I fell asleep on the toilet and woke up when I hit my head on the wall.
… I’m so tired I used my Breastmilk for my coffee.
… I’m so tired I tucked one baby in upside down so I tucked in their head as their feet.
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I’m so tired I…
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Happy sleeping Mummas.