The Art of Pumping
So I’m sitting here writing this whilst pumping – the ever so elegant act of suctioning two strange looking devices to my already exhausted nipples in an attempt to obtain milk. Pumping mothers will know – you quite literally feel like a dairy cow – and no matter how or where you do it – you begin to doubt you will ever feel sexy again.
My daughter Charlie looks at me with a confused and concerned look on her face and that’s the raw truth of it – we are all just a little socially concerned that this is even a thing, as we sit and listen to the calming repetition of mmmmmmp mmmmmmp mmmmmmp mmmmmmmp.
Oh the things we do!
Like you’re not already on duty and tired enough as it is – Just when you get the baby/babies off to sleep, put them down, begin to relax – you remember ‘I’ve got to pump’. Your eyes begin to roll, shoulders fall heavily to your sides and head falls back as you take a deep breath, exhale slowly and stare up at the roof… F**kkkkkkkkkkk.
So you’re sitting up in bed, tired as hell slumped over pumping… but it doesn’t just stop there…
Now that the children are finally asleep some unassuming ‘yet to be’ parents might think you can sit back and relax whilst pumping… maybe watch TV. But no – you must think about feeding, you must concentrate, you must think about the babies you just clocked off from.. and sometimes when that’s not enough to get the milk flowing you may even find yourself resorting to tirelessly flicking through and reliving every damn photo moment since their birth in a sort of milk porn…
Yes milk porn.
It’s a thing.
At least for this mother it is.
Oh the joys of motherhood…
– My Five Top Tips to Pumping –
1. Buy a Medela.
Yes specifically a Medela. And no I’m not getting paid to say this. If your budget allows – its worth the extra $$. The Medela gets it done. In my opinion it’s faster, more efficient, more comfortable and easier to clean. Oh and its cute. I literally love it.
I used a different brand with my first – and chose it because ‘surely they’re all the same’ (translation: it was cheaper)..
This time around with twins I decided I needed a hospital grade, ‘we mean business’ pump.
The fact is you’re going to be in a pretty serious relationship with your pump – So make the investment. Its worth it!
2. Establish a pumping station.
Have everything you need handy. Remote, phone charger at the wall, tissues, extra clean bottles in case your boobs are feeling particularly milky today, water bottle, jar of Nutella.
3. Don’t turn on the highest pressure right from the beginning.
Yes you’re tired.
Yes you would like this over as soon as possible.
Yes the super high pressure option sounds feasible..
But I’m telling you now your girls are sensitive… and they know when you’re in a hurry.
Giving them the chance to actually let the milk down will give you more milk over the pump. Trust me! Start on the let down function on a pressure that feels comfortable.
Wait to feel the letdown.
Move to the pumping function & use a pressure one lower than ‘super powered’… Save this for when you’re nearing the end and need to bring out the big guns.
4. Use the letdown function multiples times
When the milk ceases flowing – switch back to the letdown function of your pump.
Giving your girls a breather will encourage them to let down again.
I switch back to this function for a few minutes and then bring out the big guns…|
Yes you may now engage super high powered pressure pumping.
It’s feels a little uncomfortable,
Or maybe it just ‘looks’ uncomfortable as you stare down at your nipples being stretched 3-4cm inside the clear plastic ‘nipple protector’ (protector my ass)..
Once your milk ceases this time – your pump is done. Off to bed for you.
5. Reward yourself
Because making milk and being milked is hard work.