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Things that make me anxious…

 

Us mums are an anxious lot.

Our anxiety levels tend to range from 20 – 100% at almost all times.
On the off chance you catch us relaxed – like fully and utterly calm and at ease – you can be rest assured you either have the wrong person or we are actually asleep.

It’s funny because, as women, we really are expected to know what we are doing with the whole mum thing. Like this ‘maternal goddess’ within will just kick into gear and the rest is a seamless mothering mystery.

The reality for first time mums (or in my case, first time mum follow closely by first time twin mum – resulting in me sailing the ‘absolutely no clue’ boat a second time around) is that we really have no bloody idea what we are doing!

Now the upside here ladies – and yes there is an upside – is that your baby also has absolutely no idea. Not a clue. Not one.

Luckily for you – they have also not done this before, so you can expect that their standards are relatively low really.
You may breathe a sigh of relief.

As I sit here writing this, part of me worries that perhaps “mothers are an anxious lot” is an overly bold statement and that maybe I am the only one sitting here feeling anxious about bloody evvvvvverything.

If this is the case – please dear God – don’t tell me.

Let me believe I am one of many and that my experiences are ‘just like everybody else’.
A calming thought – and hopefully if I may say – a calming reality.
I suppose that remains to be seen.

Now to give you an idea of what sets us off (‘us’ used for self-preservation purposes at this point only), I have composed for you a list.

I must say – I do love a good list!

 

Twingenuity’s TOP 10 Motherhood Anxieties…

 

MILK ANXIETY
The anxiety you get when you miss a pump session (with your breast pump ladies not the gym) or go too long between feeds and start having a full blown melt down that your milk supply is going to drop off and never come back – ever.

“WAS THAT THE BABY!?” ANXIETY
The anxiety you get when the birds, mailman, breeze and every other damn sound got you startled like “Shhh – was that the baby!?”-  Usually accompanied by a ‘deer in headlights’ style body pose, extremely widened eyes and the refusal to take a breath for fear it will impair your acute hearing.

POO SMELL ANXIETY
Is it just me or can you smell poo in places and at times in which no poo is present?
This anxiety results in hallucinations. Real poo smell hallucinations!
Just last night I sat down (finally) and started to write, only to find a lingering Charlie poo smell that I just couldn’t quite get to the bottom of. I showered, changed and moved locations and was no less pooey. I wish I could say this occurrence was rare…. but it’s really not!

GENERAL POO ANXIETY
When your baby hasn’t pooed in days or weeks are you start to obsess over it. You think about poo. You wonder if maybe tomorrow they will poo. You tell your partner about the poo ‘sitch’ (situation). You blame them crying on their inability to poo. You rejoice when they fart and are then bitterly disappointed to find no poo. You get the gist.

NIGHTTIME ANXIETY
When you wake in the night four hourly to feed (the baby not you) and find yourself staying awake in anticipation of their cry, only to find they sleep another hour and you’ve just wasted precious moments of sleep time.

NO SOUND ANXIETY
The anxiety you feel when your baby actually ‘is’ sleeping and you start to think they are so silent they must have died. This is usually accompanied by a quick baby check to calm yourself, which I swear alerts them to the situation and they wake within minutes of you leaving the room.

EXITING THE ROOM ANXIETY
When you’re so anxious you are going to make a sound when exiting your baby’s room that you manage to bump something, drop something or step on the only creaky floorboard in the entire house. This anxiety is usually accompanied by a terrified facial expression, rigid body and just all round general devastation.

RELAXING ANXIETY
The anxiety you get when you finally get the baby down and go to sit for the first time in hours, knowing full well it will probably only be about 37 seconds before you have to get up and tend to them again. But you sit down and enjoy the 37 seconds anyway.

MISSED NAP ANXIETY
When you can’t get your baby down and know that if your baby misses this nap they will be foul, but feel like no one (partner included) understands the gravity of the situation you now find yourself in.

And finally –

ANXIETY ANXIETY
This is my favourite.
As a new mum you have probably been told that your baby can feel your anxiety.
‘Don’t get upset’ they tell you… ‘the baby can feel it.’
Greatttttt.
So you’re telling me that as a horse smells fear my baby can smell my anxiety?
Well that’s just bloody fantastic.
Anxiety anxiety is the anxiety you feel about having anxiety because the baby can sense it and you’re terrified of pissing them off!

 

Put this Mumma’s anxiety at ease and tell me you can relate to at least one?!
– AND –
Ladies please feel free to add your Mumma anxieties to our list!

Eliza, Xx.

 

 

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5 comments

Reply

What about ‘no anxiety anxiety?’ I never stood by the cot making sure they were breathing or remember when they did their last poo (Annie it’s every nappy but Paddy just does pooxplosions twice a week, can’t remember the last one). I could never remember who fed last or how much they drank, I just knew it was enough. Does it make me a bad mum because I didn’t have anxiety? No, it just creates ‘no anxiety anxiety!’

Reply

Oh my
God!!!
Everything about this is 100% accurate

Reply

The relaxing anxiety … so true omg sleep while u can … why didn’t I sleep when I had the chance etc

Reply

You totally missed “Poo Colour Anxiety”! The why is it green? Is that colour ok? type of anxiety. And also the “something has made a loud noise, has it woken the baby?” anxiety which usually has me making loud shushing noises at everyone. Including the birds outside. But you’ve nailled all the rest.

Reply

Sooooooo perfect! It’s like your list came straight out of my tired axious brain = )

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